Healthy Relationships have Similarities and Differences

We are learning to enter the distance between ourselves and others through relational instruction in the Bible.

“We do our best work and live our best lives when we charge into the vast space between ourselves and others.”  Joshua Wolf Shenk in Powers of Two: Finding the Essence of Innovation in Creative Pairs.

Discovering profound similarities energizes friendship development.

Embracing significant differences fuels friendship maturation.

The late Antonin Scalia and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States, couldn’t have been more different ideologically.  On most matters of law they were diametrically opposed one to the other.

At the same time, Justice Scalia and Justice Ginsburg shared joyful similarities and became best of friends.

On April 15, 1947, with the encouragement and support of Pee Wee Reese, a person very different from himself, Jackie Robinson broke the baseball color line when he started at first base for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

When Jackie took the field for the first time, vitriol, hatred, racism and cruelty poured out of the stands.  Jackie was different and not welcomed nor wanted by many.

Pee Wee Reese made a statement to Jackie that has impacted nations, people and families.  Jackie and Pee Wee were very different from each other and yet similar.

Consider the importance of friendship similarities and differences in the Bible.

The Jonathan and David’s similarities quickly led to an enduring friendship.

18 As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. ² And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. ³ Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.   1 Samuel 18:1-3

C.S. Lewis hints at the importance of similarities for friendship discovery.

“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Differences are inevitable and essential for relational growth and sustenance.

⁵ Better is open rebuke than hidden love. ⁶ Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.  Proverbs 27:5, 6

¹⁷ Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

The Christianizing of our lives includes the total transformation of who we are and how we relate to God, others and ourselves.  2 Corinthians 5:17

⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Salvation, at the core, includes the birth of new ways of relating.

“Charging into the Vast Space Between Ourselves and Others,” is designed to inspire your faith to courageously move into relationships with people who are both similar and different from yourself.

MCA Life Groups are intentionally designed to help you see personal transformation in your ways of relating.  Will you develop the courage and commitment to maximize your church’s relational opportunities?

Jesus reframes relationship with God in John 15:15

¹⁵ No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

From that day forward God and humans are to relate as friends.

How is this possible?  God is totally different than humans.  There is no similarity between the two.

Until Jesus!

¹⁴ And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.  John 1:14

⁵ Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  Philippians 2:5-7

In a sense, Jesus put on our jersey and became human.

The pure Godhead is terrible to behold; we could not see it and live; but clothing Himself with our flesh, makes the Divine nature more amiable and delightful to us. Now we need not be afraid to look upon God, seeing Him through Christ’s human nature. It was a custom of old among the shepherds, they were wont to clothe themselves with sheep-skins, to be more pleasing to the sheep; so Christ clothed Himself with our flesh, that the Divine nature may be more pleasing to us. The human nature is a glass, through which we may see the love and wisdom and glory of God clearly represented to us. Through the lantern of Christ’s humanity, we may behold the light of the Deity shining.  https://biblehub.com/sermons/pub/christ_clothed_in_human_flesh.htm

God is totally different than us (Transcendence) yet He is similar (Immanence).  Because of this we are invited into a friend relationship with Him.

The most important aspect of Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain (with God) and the surrounding influence and qualities produced by that relationship. That is all God asks us to give our attention to, and it is the one thing that is continually under attack. Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, August 4

There are fifty-nine “one another” commandments in the Bible each requiring relationships for fulfillment.  In your Life Group you have relationships in which to learn, practice and grow in these “one anothers.”

Relationship with God is possible because God has first chosen you.

¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. John 15:16

S. Lewis points out God’s choosing does not stop there.

“In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting–any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

If C.S. Lewis is correct, those in MCA Church are chosen by God each for the other.

May God grant us the faith to put  on what is necessary to celebrate the similarities and embrace the differences as we move into the vast space between ourselves and others because it is there we do our best work and live our best lives.

What might the Apostle Paul put on and taken off for the sake of ministry relationship with the Corinthian people?

¹⁹ For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. ²⁰ To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. ²¹ To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. ²² To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. ²³ I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.  1 Corinthians 9:19-23

Charging into to Vast Space Between Ourselves and Others

Reaching my fullest potential is enhanced by friendships of association, loyalty and affection.

Pastor Clinton Fick, “People mostly need help making friends.”

Often the friendship conversation includes Aristotle’s three types of friendships from Book VIII of The Nicomachean Ethics written sometime around 350 B.C.

Friendships of Utility              Friends who are conveniently helpful to your life

Friendships of Pleasure          Friends who help you stay light-hearted

Friendships of the Good

“In a friendship of the good, you value who that friend actually is, strengths and weaknesses alike, and there is sufficient trust between the two that the relationship’s quality and depth outshine those of other types of friendship.” Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, in Psychology Today. 

Long before Aristotle, the Bible presented friendships in ways that can be loosely affiliated as follows:

In both Testaments the ideas of friend and friendship involve three components: association, loyalty, and affection. There are also three levels of meaning: friendship as association only; friendship as association plus loyalty; and friendship as association plus loyalty plus affection.  https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionaries/bakers-evangelical-dictionary/friend-friendship.html

Friendship as association only.

• When Gideon came, behold, a man was telling a dream to his comrade. Judges 7:13
• Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. Romans 15:2
• There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor? James 4:12

Friendship as association plus loyalty.

• So Hushai, David’s friend, came into the city, just as Absalom was entering Jerusalem. 2 Samuel 15:37
• And when Hushai the Archite, David’s friend, came to Absalom, Hushai said to Absalom, “Long live the king! Long live the king!” 2 Samuel 16:16
• Azariah the son of Nathan was over the officers; Zabud the son of Nathan was priest and king’s friend. 1 Kings 4:5

Friendship as association plus loyalty plus affection.

• I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. ¹¹ (Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) ¹² I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart.
• ¹⁵ For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, ¹⁶ no longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother—especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.
• ¹⁷ So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. Philemon

For making friendships of association + loyalty + affection I must overcome:

Inertia                         There is external, internal and spiritual resistance

Caution                       Timidity, fear and self-protection must be overcome

Disappointment         Longing for perfect friendship, all human friendships have a measure of disappointment.

Let’s learn from Jesus in John 15:9-17.

I charge into the vast space between myself and the other because I am loved by God.

⁹ “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

I charge into the vast space between myself and the other with the same love I receive from Jesus.

¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

I charge into the vast space between myself and the other knowing I must lay down my life for the other.

¹³ Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

I charge into the vast space between myself and the other knowing I must share my business.

¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

I charge into the vast space between myself and the other knowing this is my choice.

¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you…

May God grant grace to overcome relational inertia, caution and disappointment

The sentence, “We live do our best work and live our best lives when we charge into the vast space between ourselves and others,” is from the introduction of Powers of Two: Finding the Essence of Innovation in Creative Pairs, by Joshua Wolf Shenk

Becoming People of Realized Potential: Confidence in God

My fullest potential in Christ is most realized through a growing positive faith attitude from God.

Confidence in God is one of many components to Christian faith.

For most people studying with us today, God’s capacity, compassion and character are well established.

¹⁷ ‘Ah, Lord God! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you. ¹⁸ You show steadfast love to thousands, but you repay the guilt of fathers to their children after them, O great and mighty God, whose name is the Lord of hosts, ¹⁹ great in counsel and mighty in deed, whose eyes are open to all the ways of the children of man, rewarding each one according to his ways and according to the fruit of his deeds.  Jeremiah 32:17-19

With full experience and awareness of God’s faithfulness, we sometimes still have seasons with low confidence in God.

He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:24

Being aware of God’s capacity, compassion and character, low confidence in God must be an issue inside the person.

The capacity, compassion and character of God is God’s business.  Developing confidence in God is my business.

Let us consider the Apostle Paul’s reasoning for his confidence in God.

But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that day what has been entrusted to me. ¹³ Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. ¹⁴ By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you.  2 Timothy 1:12-14

I know whom

• It is crucial to note that Paul did not say, “I know what I have believed.”
• Confidence in God is deeply personal. Confidence is birthed in the union of my person with The Person.
• Confidence in God results from knowing God.
• A person’s most valuable asset? Knowing Christ.
• A person’s most important prayer? That I may know Christ.

⁸ Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— ¹⁰ that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,¹¹ that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

I have believed

• Belief is owned by the person. “I” have believed.
• Belief is not simply a mental statement, but the total placing of trust.
• We might call the John, “The Apostle of Belief.”

⁶ There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. ⁷ He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. ⁸ He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.

⁹ The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. ¹⁰ He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. ¹¹ He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. ¹² But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, ¹³ who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.  John 1:6-13

John 3:12

If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you heavenly things?

John 3:15

that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.

John 3:16

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:18

Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.

John 3:36

Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.

I am convinced

• I am absolutely persuaded and confident
• My internal decision mechanism is 100% convinced that God is able.

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.  Ephesians 3:20

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39

Confidence in God grows through I know, I believe and I am convinced.

How then do we best increase deep knowing, believing and convincing?

“…that we make our best work, and live our best lives, by charging into the vast space between ourselves and others.”  Powers of Two: Finding the Essence of Innovation in Creative Pairs, Joshua Wolf Shenk, 2014, Introduction

This is, in fact, the story of our text today.

Paul’s abiding love for Timothy is the environment which pulls our great text out of Paul’s heart and into writing and into our hearts today.

³ I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. ⁴ As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. ⁵ I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. ⁶ For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, ⁷ for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.  2 Timothy 1:3-7

Confidence in God through knowing, believing and convincing flourishes best within a relationship in which you charge into the vast space between yourself and another.