Today it happened. During my lunch appointment, I saw the darkness of my heart.
I wanted, with everything in me, I wanted to eat my friend’s food. I have chosen to fast all food during the day and eat only a small meal each evening. No one made me make this decision. I, of my own free will, made the meal free choice.
My lunch buddies are innocent. They simply sat there and ate their meal. No fan fare, no rubbing it in, no gloating, they simply filled their bellies with nutrition.
Why do I say that I saw the darkness of my heart?
First, I thought to myself, “They should be more spiritual and they too should be fasting.” Spiritual arrogance is a very dark part of one’s heart.
Second, I thought, “They should have mercy upon me, a poor, hungry soul, and offer to not eat in front of me.” However, it was a lunch appointment and it was lunch time. Self pity is a very dark part of one’s heart.
Third, I thought, “Since I made the decision to not eat, I could easily un-make the decision, eat a few bites, and call it good. I wouldn’t be cheating on any one, because it was my decision in the first place.” Lack of commitment is a very dark part of one’s soul.
Fourth, I thought, “Fasting is sort of a dumb idea anyway. Why do we think not eating food pleases God?” Doubting God’s word is a very dark part of one’s soul.
The good news is that I at least learned to see more of the darkness in my own heart and i can ask God to brighten up the dark places in my soul.
Oh, ya. Then the Grand Daddy of em all. I think i heard the Lord say, “I have millions of hungry children on my planet. You eat your full meal all the time without considering the fact that they sit at my table and wonder why all the food is on your plate and not theirs.”