Forty-two hours ago one of the best friends of my life died in an automobile accident in Burkina Faso, West Africa. Although I have experienced the death of several very close relatives and friends, Joany’s death is the hardest I have known. So, I think I will blog from time to time about my personal walk through grief.
I find that I feel constant sorrow with waves of heavy grief. The constant sorrow seems manageable, but the heavy grief disables me for a short season and I simply cry, lose strength, or sort of seem dazed.
I am becoming aware of the “selfishness” of grief. Possibly, because of the loss, my heart longs to protect itself from further injury or wounded-ness. I find myself wanting to think only about me. My hurt and pain want to dominate my choices.
Sure, there is to be a season of healing…deep, personal healing, but grief must not become the lord who feels powerful in influence.
In hour 42 of this journey, I must have an active, missional, servant based grief. I must not allow myself to serve the grief, but require the grief to propel me toward the prize of the High Calling.
I say active because grief can paralyze and immobilize, missional, because anything that takes me off of mission is destructive, and servant based because everything in my life must serve the Lord.
Do you have any areas of “selfish” grief?